Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
