Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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