If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
