so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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