Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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