I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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