So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
