some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
