worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
