Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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