Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
