dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
