1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
