Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
