I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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