So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize