I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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