WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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