Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
