i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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