well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
