where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize