Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
