Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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