3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
