U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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