I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
