dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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