I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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