moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize