I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
