you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
