Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
