i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
