don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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