It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
