Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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