Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
