I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
