My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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