dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
