Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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