I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
