hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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