Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
