I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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