Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
