glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize