I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
