Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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