hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
