Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
