I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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