3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
