its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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