THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
