I cannot find my penis.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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