I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
