i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
