Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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