If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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