I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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