so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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