Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize