Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
