If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
