it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
