Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
