I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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