never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
