Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
