Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
